


Head Under Heart

by salmonpatty



Category: Naruto
Genre: Blood, Dark, F/M, Gen, Hallucinations, M/M, Multi, POV Sasuke, Psychotic break, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, Unreliable Narrator, trigger warning, wtf did i do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 11:01:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7615468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salmonpatty/pseuds/salmonpatty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The processes and art of coping by the last living Uchiha. [Sasuke-centric, head-canon POV writing, dark themes]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Head Under Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Definitely experimenting with my writing style and tones, and using Sasuke as my lab rat – all kinds of different emotions here. Exploring how Sasuke copes, exploring how he learned to, and what relationships were formed through these processes. A head-canon, POV writing of sorts I guess.  
> This got way darker than I originally intended. Like, way, way.
> 
> **Trigger Warning: dark themes, mental illness (psychotic break/episode), unreliable author, a (creepy) sexual scene without explicit consent, and self-mutilation

Sasuke remembers someone telling him a good piece of advice once: if your palms are sweating, your vision blurs, and your heart is thumping wildly in your ears, then curl into yourself and rest your head in between your knees. He traces the veins on his neck in a mental image of himself, somewhere in a dusty, drab coffin in his mind. Misery loves company, but Sasuke does not - and thank God, there’s none to be had in this hide-out far from (someone else’s) civilization, so the boy sulks in his ratty rattan bed for two weeks before he has even thought of the Leaf. It was the quiet filter of light from a windowpane that reminded him of his brother. The lone Uchiha almost gagged in reflex of the memory. With palms pressed down, white-knuckling on the tatami floor, he slammed his head in to the ground between his knees. If Sasuke was a praying man, he was on his damned knees right now (whatever that meant). The room was silent, save for the humming of Itachi in the corner of the room. Sasuke’s eyes flashed in the dark, swift currents of red trailing until his eyes focused in on the person, image of a person, in his room. His brother was slowly and deliberately ripping pages out from a book that sat on the nightstand next to Sasuke’s bed. No matter how many times he screamed at him, time again and times before, his older brother would not budge, or look at him. He would stay there until he ran out of pages, until sunrise sometimes. 

Arguably the most painful part of his elder brother's visits was the fact that the book was always returned to its former state, untouched. The leaves would flip fluidly in his hands, and he was reminded that a mirage could move him like a gale force wind. With that recurring realization looming over his back, the only remaining, alive, breathing Uchiha brother was silent this time. His name was too painful to say, anyways – even on a good day. With that being said, Sasuke did what anyone would do when they were met with visions of a ghost from their past. He slowly and deliberately lifted himself into a headstand against the wall. His eyes shut, and soon, the boy fell asleep. 

In usual fashion, the dams of his consciousness were like much heavier, cinder block dominos. If he let one collapse out of neglect, frustration, or just exhaustion, the others would topple over onto eachother. Once, not if, he allowed himself one Break, the world around him would crush him. It was something Sasuke had almost always lived in fear of, and it was better to live detached and dissociated. However, this was not to say the chain never stopped. Meditation helped. Time away helped. This time, these particular episodes stopped after a few months, but where one door closed, another door opened, and a yellow-haired carcass waltzed out. When he arrived, Sasuke had been laying in a garden somewhere, not far from anywhere, but he couldn’t exactly recall. Naruto sat down next to him, threw out a yoga mat, and started performing a full Sun Salutation A in front of him. Sasuke hadn’t practiced yoga since Academy, and he was somewhat shocked to see that Naruto had been keeping up with it. Maybe that was his secret. What shocked Sasuke more was the gaping hole in the middle of Naruto’s chest, coincidentally placed where a Chidori was aimed for once upon a time; like a big, red, aching kiss mark. His cock throbbed in his pants, and he grasped onto it as the blonde lifted his hips up into downward-facing dog. The blood was gurgling out now, and laying thick on the mat underneath Naruto’s glistening body. Pre-cum dribbled out, and he stood over his team mate and shook tiny flecks onto his back. The blonde still had not looked up this entire time, and Sasuke knew it would stay that way. The blonde probably couldn't bear to look at his old teammate's gaunt mask, and Sasuke preferred that. Furiously, his cock slid up and down through his fist, slapping against his thumb as it curved around to grasp down until his nails pressed in. A groan escaped, and he wanted nothing more than to grab Naruto like he always wanted to in hushed settings, after the campfires, in the heat of the summer. He knew better than that. Touching the ghosts sent them away. He learned that early on. 

Although, it was almost too tempting this time. The pool of blood was calling for him, literally. Sakura’s voice was crying out from it, and she was screaming and moaning and caterwauling. He couldn’t tell if she was being fucked or murdered. Naruto was forgotten at the ends of Sasuke’s mind immediately when he climaxed, which was about when the blood started yelling. His release was quick, and ended with his head slamming down into the hardwood between his knees, cum soaking into his nightshirt. For a minute, he laid there with his heart thumping in his ears, and the smell of pennies permeating the air he breathed in. The screaming got too loud to handle, and he knew the drill by now – he knew how to get Sakura to come to him. Sasuke tripped his way to the kitchen and haphazardly, grabbed a kunai off the counter and placed it straight away into his chest. In moments, he was on a hospital bed, probably not in the Leaf Village, though. That was an interesting difference. Sakura never wanted to leave for too long. She didn’t scream for him to wake up this time, because he was already awake when he looked into her face right above him and told her that he loved her. Her focus stayed on his chest wound. “And Naruto,” she noted without skipping a beat, because Sakura understood, she understood with dinner plate-sized, emerald eyes and breathy stutters, even in his nightmares. 

The world was spinning around him now. 

Sasuke woke up the next day with a massive headache, and a kunai still lodged in his chest. Much shallower than he thought it would be, because there was always a part of himself left. He nodded to himself and wrenched the kunai out. What difference would it make, he wondered, if Kakashi and Naruto never told him to put his head in between his knees when he started to feel sick. He was always frustrated that Naruto knew about that and he didn’t. Sasuke never quite got over that use of the word “sick,” and that sensei’s voice still rang in his head anytime nameless shinobi spat at him in the streets. He rolled onto his side and shook. He fell asleep sitting up with his head rested on his right knee, and as much as he wished it, no one found him like that. The ghosts were gone. The room was much colder.

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure how this ended up the way it did, I might delete this after a bit - not as impressed with it as I wish I was. It had an okay concept but my mind just seemed to run away with it. 
> 
> Also, if any of my readers have problems with any mental illness, especially anxiety, this method really does work. Sit on the floor and put your head between your knees, or if that's uncomfortable, you can lay on your back and prop your legs parallel against a wall. Make sure to take deep breaths. :) Any position where your head is beneath your heart will work to activate your parasympathetic nervous system and calm you down.


End file.
